The 11 Most Devastating Celebrity Divorces
Hollywood couples can’t stop getting divorced lately. From Ben & Jen to Rhea & Danny, here are the celeb splits that cut us to the core.
Reese Witherspoon & Ryan Phillipe
This divorce was particularly devastating because they were such a hot young couple in Cruel Intentions, and one of the hottest young couples in real life. Maybe too young. They split up in 2007, with Phillipe later citing their age as a contributing factor to the split. Lucky for Reese, she went on to date Jake Gyllenhaal for two years. So. Not a total loss.
Heidi Klum & Seal
This divorce left a scar in our hearts bigger than the ones on Seal’s face. (Painfully obvious joke but it was just sitting there waiting for me to tell it.) Looking back, it does seem odd that a couple would go to such great lengths to recommit to their vows eeevery siiingle year. Like, what are you trying to prove? Now Heidi is dating some hot-ass 29-year-old and Seal is.. actually, wtf is Seal doing these days?
Jon & Kate Gosselin
Before Kate Gosselin turned into a ruthless celebrity whore-monger, she was the mother of eight adorable half-Caucasian/half-Asian babies. Everybody loved this family (except Maddie. She was a bitch, right?) Until that one faithful day when they dropped the big D-bomb: divorce. Now Jon is fat and Kate is starring on a sub-par reality show that nobody watches.
Melanie Griffith & Antonio Banderas
I have always said “other celebrity couples can come and go, but Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas will never die.” WRONG! After 18 years of steamy Latin lovin’, Melanie filed for divorce from her husband amidst rumors of him cheating. As for Banderas, well, he’s already been spotted out and about with a new beau who’s 20 years younger. Men are pigs.
Catherine Zeta-Jones & Michael Douglas
Nobody thought that these two, with a 25-year age gap, would ever last. Except they did, and quickly became a rock solid Hollywood power couple. But after that whole oral sex cancer thingy Douglas battled, and Zeta’s raging bipolar disorder, they split in 2013. OK, I just read that they’re now back together and “stronger than ever.” See, every couple has their shit.
Rhea Perlman & Danny DeVito
This longtime couple announced in 2012 that they’d be splitting after 30 years of marriage. It seemed that Danny’s flirting with other women and neglecting Rhea had taken its toll on the actress, so she left him. Or maybe she was just giving him a scare–six months later and DeVito had made his way back to the love nest.
Amy & Matt Roloff
Well you can’t mention Jon & Kate without mentioning the Roloffs. The stars of TLC’s “Little People, Big World,” were married for 27 years before they ended things. For fans of the show, the news–while sad–wasn’t very surprising. Hmm, could TLC be the touch of death to relationships?
Amy Poehler & Will Arnett
An oft-overlooked celeb divorce, this one may be the most personally upsetting. Amy Poehler: comedy goddess; Will Arnett: hilarious hunk. Nobody really knows why they split after 10 years (WHY GOD, WHY!?!?) but Poehler is now entangled with the less-hot-but-still-funny Nick Kroll. Whatever, I just want you to be happy Amy!
Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck
These two were the most wholesome couple you can imagine–Jennifer with those dimples, Ben with… that dick (arguably the best scene in Gone Girl). Once news of their split broke, rumors of Ben’s gambling addiction spread like wildfire, and now their old nanny is claiming the two had an affair. Maybe Garner should’ve just stayed with dreamy Michael Vartan from her “Alias” days.
Miranda Lambert & Blake Shelton
NOOOOO!!!!! *Sticks fingers in ears* I can’t hear you I can’t hear you I can’t hear you! Fuck, Blake, why’d you have to let your “The Voice” fame get to your head? Wait a second–Miranda is the cheater? You sly little minx, you.
Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale
After 12 years of marriage, and about five years of mediocre music, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale are getting a divorce. Apparently Gavin is a big cheater cheater pumpkin eater, which is absurd because not only is Gwen a complete and utter babe, but she’s worth more money than him. Could there be a “Don’t Speak pt. II” on the way? Because I wouldn’t hate that.
On that note: If Kyra Sedgwick & Kevin Bacon, Maggie Gyllenhaal & Peter Sarsgaard, or Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson pull any funny business, I swear I’m giving up on life.
(Main page image courtesy of DisneyABC via Flickr.)
Hey, Dad and I stayed married until I killed him off… I mean Until he tragically got that f**king cancer. (I told him to knock off the damn gum chewing!)
i didn’t know Danny and Rhea got back together! God that feels good. (But it felt weird to just say their first names. I’m like, “Wait, his name is Danny? Oh, like Dan?” They’re both first name-last name people. Maybe I’m a little stoned?)
Anyway, this was such a great thing to pop up on my FB news feed! And Rocky B, I’m gonna see you in September! It’ll be the best anniversary celebration since Fantasia 2000 was released on DVD.
Happy Birthday Angie
April 22, 2016