While I sit in my New York City office chatting with my coworkers about the weekend’s impending hurricane (ie: I’m distractedly yelping to everybody, “I’M GOING TO DIE IN MY BASEMENT APARTMENT!”, calling my parents in tears, and frantically checking bus lines), I’m finding myself having a hard time focusing on work and more about what I’ll need to prepare myself for the apocalypse.

1. bottle of whiskey
This is probably the most essential item for a few reasons. One- it will help calm the nerves when the hurricane starts to hit. Two- it will help curb boredom when the city inevitably loses power and I have nothing to do but “read a book” and drink myself into a coma. Three – if (when) my basement floods, it’ll be way more fun to wade around in the newly formed lake in my bedroom if I have a load on. And if all else fails I can just drink the whole bottle, pass out and sleep through the damn storm.

2. weed
Duh.

3. kayak / kayak gear
For when I am thrust out of my apartment and have to get to work, the store, etc. They are shutting down the subways in the city at noon tomorrow. Could kayaks = new form of public transportation? Think about it.

4. Chex Mix (a really big bag)
Because it is delicious, and because everybody knows you can survive on those brown pumpernickel chips for weeks. Except that Chex Mix is damn salty, so you’ll want to have an even Chex Mix to bottle-of-whiskey ratio.

5. flashlight
To help you find your weed in case you lose power and the lights shut off.

6. Megabus tickets
Just in case you pussy out last minute and decide to peace out of town. Except wait…

Oh well, guess I’m fucked!

(For some live hurricane action, check out the webcam my buddy living on the Lower East Side set up for the weekend!)