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Pleading the Fifth [by Alicia]

Alicia has been freaking out about this video all week. It’s a lecture from Professor James Duane about why you should never talk to the police. It’s pretty interesting, but I don’t talk to the police anyway. I’m a “good kid.” – Ange

Hi. Yes. Never, ever talk to the police. Why talk to the police? – it can NEVER help you, only hurt you. Don’t answer questions, if you’re innocent, if you’re guilty – don’t talk to the police. Don’t do it.

The only time I talk to cops is to say “get that flashlight out of my face, PIG.”

No, just kidding. Actually, I had a very positive experience with a cop last night on my drive home from work. My office is 22.6 miles from my house. During the day, I can make the drive in 28 minutes. At night, I can do it in 23 (my best time).

I got pulled over for doing 43 in a 25. OK, it’s 12:30 at night, there’s no one in that school zone.
Of course, I had this whole James Duane lecture on my mind, so I’m like “I’m not tellin this guy ANYTHING.”

But, to my delight, the cop was young and tall and kind of cute. Totally shaved head, like Patrick Stewart (who I also think is hot).

So at first this guy is trying to act all tough, but I’m just so damn sweet to cops he couldn’t play for long.

He asked me where I was coming from, I told him my job. He asked where I worked, I told him. He asked me when I’d gotten out. Hmmm …

Me: I don’t know, like, a half-hour ago? (19 minutes.)
Officer 6’1″: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Noo … (cell phone makes doorbell noise – a text!)
Officer: I clocked you at 43 in a 25.
Me: (Big smile) I .. iiiii …. A. I didn’t realize it was a 25, I thought it was 35, and B. I thought I was only doing 40. (Smile)
Suddenly-Not-So-Authoritative: (Poorly repressed smile) OK, well .. (glances at my license) OK, just sit tight, Miss Bunt, I’ll be right back.

(8 or so minutes pass. I text everyone I know telling them I’m about to get a warning.)

Officer Can’t-Stop-Smiling: How do you feel about warnings?
Me: I love them – and I love cops who give them to me! (big smile, with teeth)
Officer Crew-Neck-Sweater: Well, you’ll like this. I’m gonna save you $180. .. Now, so you know, I always work this shift, so I’ll be watchin’ for you.
Me: Well, I always drive home at this time, so I’ll look out for you.
Officer Trying-To-Find-A-Way-To-Prolong-This-Conversation: Well, OK. You should slow down, though, Miss Bunt. (smile)
Me: I will, officer, I promise.
Officer Semi: OK. Have a good night.
Me: You too! (parting smile)
(I stuff the warning in my glove compartment with all the others and drive away. Cue the music)

I may have left out a smile or an eyelash-bat here or there, but that’s what happened.

BUT. If this guy had asked me any questions, inquired what was in my glove compartment … Well, just watch the vid.



I understand the rationale of the video. I’ve seen the comic/tragic aftermath when dirtbags try to talk their way out of trouble with the police. You’ve seen it too, if you watch the TV show “COPS”.

This of course doesn’t apply to my local police department. I’m happy to talk to them anywhere, anytime.
They put the “P” in “Protect and Serve.”


I don’t really like cops. They reminded me of pushy teachers in high school who went out of their way to get people like me in trouble.

Plus we’ve all seen, “DONT TAZE ME BRO!!!”

But this video definitely works under the assumption that cops are TRYING to blame you, which makes them seem malicious… which more often than not is probably not true. But I’m also convinced after the main point. If it can’t help you in any way… Why do it? Sold.


WOW! That was amazing. I may go commit a crime just so I can refuse to talk to the police. Actually, it was informative and interesting and I will remember it the next time I am ready to “judge” someone who pleads the fifth.


nice pun, mom.

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