Halloween Fantasy Realized!
FIRST OFF and MOST IMPORTANT: Mama got second place in her costume contest at work! She was half-devil, half-angel. She wore my red pumps and took home $300 cash money! And what is she doing with that cash, you ask? Buying a new cam for buntology! My mama know how to werkk that azzz. (Sorry to be disrespectful, Mama, but I gotta play to the crowd.)
So I had originally (back in June) decided I wanted to be Buffy the Vampire Slayer for Halloween. My friend and Angie’s roommate Lauren was going to be Faith, Buffy’s dark-haired slayer nemesis. We planned it all out at the first Bunt BBQ. But that was back when I was a blond. I colored my hair red over the summer.
We realized I couldn’t really be the blond slayer with red hair – I could be Willow, Buffy’s redheaded lesbian witch buddy, but fewer people would get it. And Lauren couldn’t really be Faith on her own; no one would get it. Long story short, I went from slayer to vamp.
I have always loved vampires. I want to be one; I want to date one. I want to do some demented sensual vampire things, you know? Oh and listen up, all you fake-ass, “Twilight”-reading, blood-bandwagoner johnnie-come-latelies: I had a thing for troubled, tortured blood-drinking boys since before you were even born.
So Angela and I got these special vamp teeth. I knew when I picked ’em out they’d be hardcore – it said on the box that they’re for “gamers,” like people who do live-action role playing (LARPing). We had to like mold them into our mouths, but don’t TELL me it didn’t look totally badass.
I had to come up with two nights of costumes, for Friday and Saturday.
Friday night, actual Halloween, everyone was kind of tired from Thursday. But I worked and went to bed Thursday, so I was ready to rage. I dressed up as a lumberjack, which I thought of last-second as an excuse to rock my new Timberlands. Lauren was an elf! That’s her next to me, with the bow and the ears, which it’s too bad are hidden in the pic. Lauren loves elves and fairies and all things fantasy, much like myself. All night, she kept jumping around and crying out in delight, “I’m a fuckin’ elf!!!”
Buntology staff writer Will Cimino and his cousin, Steve, both had friends from home visit. Will wore a gorilla mask and it made me very nervous for reasons I can’t quite put my finger on.
Night two. Vamp time! Someone’s ass was gettin BITTEN. You know, not someone’s literal ass. Their jugular.
On Saturday, Buntology publicist Ivan (who dressed up as Honus Honus from Man Man the first night and Michael Jackson) the second had a Halloween party at his apartment, which we call “Mont Street.” Ange, her roomies, her neighbors and I were getting ready for hours. The vamp teeth, which came with a whole kit to construct a custom-fit mold, took 30 minutes alone. Jackie was down in her apartment with her roommate, being cranky and indulging in some self-loathing. But eventually, we made it to the party.
Angie’s teeth didn’t work right, I like messed them up somehow. They wouldn’t stay in. So, with a quick dab of red lipstick on her neck, Angela had a new costume: vampire victim. And it turned out to be the best costume there, cause she looked like a hot-ass vamp victim. Several stals (stal is short for stallion, meaning a strapping, appealing young man) blatantly told me how good my sis was looking. I was like “Ummm don’t I look pretty too?” Whatever LIKE I NEED YOUR VALIDATION!!!
But enough about my psyche! What else happened, you ask? Well, here’s what:
1. The roommates and Jack and her roommate Caity left en masse and went to McDonald’s, leaving Ange and I to run shit at Ivan’s.
2. My teeth, which were very sharp, cut my lower lip so it was all puffy and a little bloody-looking. So I kept sneaking drunken looks at myself in mirrors, pretending I was a vampire infiltrating a party and preying on young healthy college kids.
3. I toasted to “jah love” with Amy-Lou, a former Mont Street resident and friend of buntology, about 30 times. We were drinking Red Stripe, and we made a grand plan of how we should go to Jamaica this summer and really get into it and learn the history and relax and party. Yes, good idea in theory, but like my costume .. just a dream.
4. People continued to tell me how bangin my sister looked.
5. We plugged buntology a little.
6. We left and hung out for a little.
That’s about it.
But now that Halloween’s over, we can look ahead to Thanksgiving — and the start of “Rock the House,” a long-running sketch comedy Angela and Jackie created at least 10 years ago. They videotape all the holiday festivities starting from Thanksgiving and do a Christmas countdown. RtH has songs, interviews, fashion shows, dances, decorating and, perhaps most famous, a little program called “Angela’s Anything Show.” Curious? Anxious? Titillated? Stay tuned, because this year, RtH is going digital!!!