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Exclusive Coverage of Hurricane Gustav

So hurricane Gustav just kicked the shit out of Haiti and the Dominican Republic and is heading toward the Gulf. Twenty-three people, including a mother and six of her seven children, were killed. 

According to the Associated Press:

“U.N. peacekeepers said they evacuated thousands of Haitians by boat and truck, and were preparing to pull people out of the western town of Jeremie even as rain continued to fall. Civil protection director Marie Alta Jean-Baptiste said a young girl swept off a bridge by flood waters was among 15 people killed in Haiti.

In the Dominican Republic, a mother’s screams and the roar of falling earth jolted a Santo Domingo shantytown from its sleep Tuesday. Marcelina Feliz and six of her seven children — ranging in age from 11 months to 15 years — were killed when a landslide crushed their tin-roofed house.

Feliz, 32, was found hugging the body of her smallest child, rescue officials said. A neighbor was also killed.

‘I don’t know how I can live now, because none of my family is left,’ said Marino Borges, Feliz’s husband and father of several of her children.”

Not to be Morbid Margaret, but that’s pretty f*cked. And you know that everyone in New Orleans is tweaking out. Chill outtt, Nawlins. You’re always so uptight. I’m sure it’ll be fineeee…

“We know it’s going to head into the Gulf. After that, we’re not sure,” said meteorologist Rebecca Waddington at the National Hurricane Center in Miami. “For that reason, everyone in the Gulf needs to be monitoring the storm.”

New Orleans began planning a possible mandatory evacuation, hoping to prevent the chaos it saw after Hurricane Katrina struck three years ago Friday. Mayor Ray Nagin left the Democratic National Convention in Denver to help the city prepare.

But I’m glad to see everyone has their priorities straight:

“Any damage to the oil infrastructure could send U.S. pump prices spiking, possibly before the busy Labor Day weekend.

“A bad storm churning in the Gulf could be a nightmare scenario,” said Phil Flynn, an analyst at Alaron Trading Corp. in Chicago. “We might see oil prices spike $5 to $8 if it really rips into platforms.”

Omg. Not before Labor Day Weekend! I better gas up White Lightning now before it’s too late.

Nevermind all that mumbo jumbo, because here at we have the scoop for realz. Our friend Clement Dugal, a 24-year-old law student at Tulane University, is on the scene.

Clem (Cdugal3) and I talked earlier about what’s really going on in New Orleans:

cdugal3: i might die in a hurricane in less than three days and you’ll regret that you didn’t do me this one last favor before i drowned in the flooding of lake ponchartrain
cdugal3: i really hope this hurricane doesn’t hit though b/c i have no car
cdugal3: and no boat
cdugal3: but i can swim like the dickens….michael phelps aint got shit on me
cdugal3: except 8 gold medals

Clem had a bit more to say later on while talking to Alicia:

cdugal3: smoking someone else’s weed is like gays in the military
cdugal3: don’t ask, don’t tell
Red 7942: SL SL SL SL

Oops, wrong part. Here:

cdugal3: gustav, come and get me homie…while you were fucking up cuba, I was blowing your girlfriend’s back out…so make me a fish sandwich
Gustav updates coming soon!


Michael Phelps

i hope hurricane gustav doesnt hit westfield… as for u clem ill race u anyday!!! lets go im ready! ALlldayyy errryday

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