Last week was filled with dumb ass news items. More than usual. I was torn between discussing the new phenomenon of women attaining orgasms during childbirth or this one on Gu Gu the Panda attacking some idiot at the Beijing Zoo.

Did I just say childbirth and orgasms in the same sentence? Indeed. I decided not to write about that because it would gross out my kids and because I think anyone who has ever given birth, watched one, or even heard a “delivery” story must already know that erotic is the very last thing it is.

I am open-minded though, so if you can turn labor into a fun time I say good for you. I was grateful the conception was enjoyable but that’s just me [ed. note: shudder]. Hey, if women have an orgasm during delivery and I delivered twins……

OK, let’s talk about Gu Gu.

Headline: Gu Gu strikes again! Panda attacks at Beijing Zoo.

The article goes on to tell the tale of Gu Gu, a 240-pound panda, who resides at the Beijing Zoo. Gu Gu “attacked” a man who climbed into the panda’s protected area. The man was attempting to retrieve a toy his child tossed in. Gu Gu…an animal…not the human with the brain that can think and reason….attacked the man.

They had to pry open Gu Gu’s jaw to get him to let go of the guy’s legs.

This happened twice before to the same panda. A drunk jumped into his pen to “hug” him. Bad move– Gu Gu bit the drunk and then the drunk bit Gu Gu. Wonder who got the worse end of that deal. Another time a teenager climbed into the pen with Gu Gu simply out of curiousity. Teenagers are known to do some idiotic things (Alicia, party sophomore year) so this is probably the most forgivable. Plus, his friends probably dared him.

So, Beijing Zoo…what the hell is your problem? Have we not screwed over the Panda enough by chopping down their habitat and bringing them near extinction? Can you not build a barrier high enough to keep the idiots out and the Panda safe? Imagine the Panda just hanging out in his zoo world (instead of the trees where he belongs) and he has adapted pretty well. Suddenly these creatures who come to stare at him everyday start coming into his home and grabbing at him. WTF!!

I am really annoyed by this story. It goes on to say they are considering pressing charges against the guy who went to get the toy and got mauled. Good! Charge him with being an ASSHOLE!