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Angie Vacations in a Onesie

I recently took a much-needed vacation.

Despite my frequent cracks about sitting on my couch alone, crying, watching Food Network, eating, smoking pot, etc., I’m actually a pretty busy person, so I planned on relaxing as much as possible during my 10 days off.

People asked me where I was going – “Somewhere tropical?” “Vegas?” “The beach? You could really use some color.”

But where I was going was far more wild and exotic than an island getaway. I was going back to North Adams, Mass…

Live-blogging Hurricane Irene in NYC

Whaddya do when you’re stuck inside with nothing to do but ride out a hurricane? You write about it, obviiii.

Saturday, 11 a.m.

Head to the store before noon (that’s when stuff started closing) to get “supplies.” Holy sh*t you would think the apocalypse struck NYC. Part of me thinks that people are just using this storm as an excuse to buy as much unhealthy food as possible and completely pig out for the weekend. Even if the storm was at its worst and lasted two full days with no water or electricity, you would. not. need. that much water or food.

this should be enough, right?

When I walked into Gristedes and saw the line wrapping all the way to the BACK of the grocery store, I legit thought, “I would rather die in a hurricane than wait in this line,” and walked out. Headed to my fav local deli and got all the necessities. Unfortunately this did not include batteries or a flashlight. Whatever. What did they do before electricity in storms? It’s called candles, people! Plus I have the flashlight app on my Iphone…

Angela’s ‘Hurricane Irene’ Preparedness Guide

While I sit in my New York City office chatting with my coworkers about the weekend’s impending hurricane (ie: I’m distractedly yelping to everybody, “I’M GOING TO DIE IN MY BASEMENT APARTMENT!”, calling my parents in tears, and frantically checking bus lines), I’m finding myself having a hard time focusing on work and more about what I’ll need to prepare myself for the apocalypse.

not feeling very optimistic.

1. bottle of whiskey
This is probably the most essential item for a few reasons. One- it will help calm the nerves when the hurricane starts to hit. Two- it will help curb boredom when the city inevitably loses power and I have nothing to do but “read a book” and drink myself into a coma. Three – if (when) my basement floods, it’ll be way more fun to wade around in the newly formed lake in my bedroom if I have a load on. And if all else fails I can just drink the whole bottle, pass out and sleep through the damn storm.

2. weed
Duh.

3. kayak / kayak gear
For when I am thrust out of my apartment and have to get to work, the store, etc. They are shutting down the subways in the city at noon tomorrow. Could kayaks = new form of public transportation? Think about it.

4. Chex Mix (a really big bag)
Because it is delicious, and because everybody knows you can survive on those brown pumpernickel chips for weeks. Except that Chex Mix is damn salty, so you’ll want to have an even Chex Mix to bottle-of-whiskey ratio.

5. flashlight
To help you find your weed in case you lose power and the lights shut off.

6. Megabus tickets
Just in case you pussy out last minute and decide to peace out of town. Except wait…

Oh well, guess I’m fucked!


(For some live hurricane action, check out the webcam my buddy living on the Lower East Side set up for the weekend!)