In a never-ending quest to find something soothing to fall asleep to, I’ve recently downloaded the entire “Joy of Painting” television series to my Macbook. While I can’t paint a picture to save my life — hell, I can’t even polish my nails without inadvertently shellacking my fingertips — I can’t get enough of Bob Ross and his almighty trees living in his happy little world made up of titanium white and van dyke brown. That is, until I spotted his Coke Nail. 

How could such a gentle, animal-loving hippie have such a dirty little habit? In all fairness, he was painting a shit load of landscapes at the time. And coke was basically running rampant throughout the ’80s. I ain’t mad ‘atcha, Bob. After all, there are no mistakes, just happy little accidents. Now give me your blow.