GIddy the f*ck up.

Real quick -you may be wondering where the eff we’ve been the last week. Well, right now I’m sitting at a hostel in Nashville with my lovely roommate, a Swiss, and two Norwegian fellows, recapping the events of last evening.
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I guess that doesn’t really clarify much. Basically, to reward ourselves for being awesome, the roomie and I decided to take a road-trip through the south. Well, “road-trip” via buses, trains and planes. Like I wasn’t riding the Megabus enough as it is.
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The route as it stands is: D.C. > Knoxville > Nashville > Memphis > New Orleans > Atlanta > Savannah > N.Y.C. Like I said, we’re already in Nashville, and by this time tomorrow we’ll be well on our way to Memphis. So with Tilly’s super expensive camera and my not-so-expensive laptop in tow, we’re trying to bring you as much coverage as possible.—

ANDTHATSWHYTHENORTHWON.TUMBLR.COM!!!

We’ll be updating it with pics, vids and articles for the entire trip, so bookmark it and keep checking back.
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*Shudder vomit*

How pumped is everybody that Cinco De Mayo falls on a Saturday this year? And how many of you are going to parties called “Cinco De Drinko” this weekend? *Raises hand*
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Before we all start hallucinating from tequila intake, I thought I’d throw down some knowledge on the history of this holiday, so I turned to the most reliable source of information since  Encyclopedia Britannica went out of print earlier this year: Wikipedia.com…
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“It is celebrated nationwide in the United States and regionally in Mexico, primarily in the state of Puebla, where the holiday is called El Día de la Batalla de Puebla (English: The Day of the Battle of Puebla). The date is observed in the United States as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride, and to commemorate the cause of freedom and democracy during the first years of the American Civil War.”
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Let me get this straight- we don’t want Mexicans coming into our country to live, but we have no problem drinking to them once a year? And since when did war = get super drunk? God this country is so up its own ass. It makes me sad… actually, I think I might need a Corona to quell the pain.
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In honor of this American-holiday-gone-wrong, here are some funny pics of white people acting like dicks after drinking too much tequila. Happy Holidays! 

Mayo es ocupado.

So apparently THIS is happening today.
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The convo I had with my boss in regards to the general strike went something like this:
Me: Sooo, tomorrow is Occupy Wall Street’s general strike.
Him: Okay…
Me: Apparently people aren’t supposed to be going into work. They’re going to block off the subways. They’re protesting throughout the city!
Him: And how does this relate to you coming into work?
Me: I’m just saying it might be hard for me to make it in on time… y’know, because they’re going to mess with all the public transportation. And I’m coming alllll the way from Queens now.
Him: I’m commuting an hour from Jersey.
Me: *Slinks back to my desk*
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I’m not sure how I feel about the Occupy Wall Street movement. I have to respect any group of people that have an opinion and put the energy into spreading their message (well, save for the Klu Klux Klan). But the bigger part of me can’t help but think this is just an excuse for homeless people and hippies to walk around without any jobs, shoes or purpose. Case and point, Reuters published an article this morning with the headline, “Occupy’s May Day protests off to slow, soggy start in NYC.” Really, guys? You’ve been promoting this general strike for months, and you’re gonna pussy out because of a little bit of rain? You think I like commuting into work when it’s raining out? No wonder you can’t get jobs!
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Looking at the schedule, it’s actually kind of impressive: yoga, meditation, lectures… it’s like a festy! Even Tom Morello from RATM is going to speak at a rally in Union Square where he’ll undoubtedly encourage the crowd to “fuck the man” and “fuck consumerism” and then tell everybody to buy his new album which drops this month. Three cheers for hypocrisy!

I can see Jimmy's flop-sweat from here.

Jay Leno is a self-important douche who hates his guests, David Letterman is a sarcastic old man who hates his job, and Jimmy Kimmel – well, does anybody watch Jimmy Kimmel?- but eeevverybody loves Jimmy Fallon.
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Even though he used to bother me on SNL by constantly laughing during his sketches, since Fallon took over the throne from Conan in ’09 he’s become the king of late-night.
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Want proof? President Barack Obama appeared on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon on Tuesday and “Slow Jammed the News,” discussing the importance of a college education and how he’s trying to lower the interest rates on student loans (you know, those things I will never pay off).  Potential new nicknames for the prez: “P.O.T.U.S. with the Mostest” and “Barackness Monster.”  Check out the slow jam here!

Jimmy Fallon might be cool, but he kinda looks like he's going to poop himself in this picture.

Woah-oooh, New England!

New England: That little area of the United States known for its lush greenery, beautiful foliage, mercurial weather, and bitchy inhabitants- hardened by the cold winters they’ve been forced to endure for most of their lives.
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Being a New Englander myself, I know that besides pretty leaves and shitty winters, this Northern nook of the U.S. also has an abundance of delicious and potent marijuana, along with an awesome underground jam band / music scene, spawning artists such as Phish, James Taylor and The Pixies.
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Because of this, it seems only natural to write an article highlighting some of the awesome shows happening this Friday, 4/20, the holiday of the weed smokers…

EOTO's new fully interactive 3-D mapped stage dubbed, "The Lotus Stage."

*EOTO / Shpongle @ Roseland Ballroom in N.Y.C. (Get tickets here)
This is where I’ll be on Friday and I’m superfuckingexcited about it. I’ve never seen Shpongle before, and the last EOTO show I went to they didn’t go on until midnight, which resulted in me dancing until 3 A.M. which resulted in me missing my bus home later that morning. This is only marginally less awesome than my friend who ended up dropping acid that night and walking over the Brooklyn Bridge to go hang out with the Occupy Wall Street crew. EOTO will be premiering their new Lotus Stage on this tour, which is sure to blow the minds of the stoned out kiddies at Roseland Ballroom. CLICK HERE FOR A PREVIEW!!!

Paul Simon @ Rose Theatre in N.Y.C. (Get tickets here)
Paul Simon is probably the most hippie you can get on this holiday, but I recommend lighting up before the show as the venue is located inside Jazz at Lincoln Center.

Badfish: A Tribute to Sublime @ House of Blues in Atlantic City, N.J. (Get tickets here)
“I smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at night. I smoke two joints in the afternoon, It makes me feel all right…”

Rubblebucket frontwoman, Calmia, at last year's 4/20 show in NYC.

*Rubblebucket @ Chameleon Club in Lancaster, Penn. (Get tickets here)
Saw Rubblebucket last year on 4/20 and it was a great show, don’t miss your chance this year. Also, in about six months this band will be too big to play club shows so get it while the gettin’s good.

Bassnectar / A-Trak @ Liacouras Center in Philly, Penn. (Get tickets here)
Womp womp womp…

*The Indobox / Sauce / Spiritual Rez @ The Spot Underground in Providence, R.I. (Call the box office)
Of course you can dance your ass off with The Indobox, but the real treat here is Sauce. Go see ‘em and get your fill of hot female musicians with horns. Two of the best things ever.

10 Ft. Ganja Plant / Chadwick Stokes @ Middle East Downstairs in Boston, Mass. (Get tickets here)
The Middle East Downstairs is basically one really big, awesome basement- a natural setting for music and weed smoking. Just make sure you don’t get busted by your parents!

Danny Pease & the Regulators / Ready Set Flo! @ Beatnik’s in Worcester, Mass. (Get tickets here)
DPR can spit rhymes so fast that it would even make Busta’s head spin, while laying down reggae beats so danceable that the most stoned out Rastafarian can’t help but move.

Fungus Amungus @ Bishops Lounge in Northampton, Mass. (Call the box office)
Sauce and Fungus Amungus share the same vocalist, Chelsy Lau. Pay your dues and pass that woman a joint when you see her!

Danny Pease & The Regulators: Clearly marijuana enthusiasts.

*Dopapod / The Heavy Pets @ Pearl Street Clubroom in Northampton, Mass. (Get tickets here)
Delightfully sweaty venue, delightful bands, delightful day.

John Brown’s Body / Wolfman Conspiracy / Pulse Prophets @ Rocky Top Tavern in Brattleboro, VT (Call the box office)
Reggae, reggae and more reggae? Just make sure you bring enough green for everybody.

*Roots of Creation / Wolfman Conspiracy / Seed / Pulse Prophets @ The Rust Nail Bar & Grille in Stowe, VT (Call the box office)
Roots of Creation: A lot like Sublime, only still alive. Go see these guys!

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*= really kick ass.

People waiting in line at some convenience store.

Am I the only one who thinks this Mega Millions lottery thing is getting out of hand? Last I checked the lottery amount was up to 640 million dollars. I am sure by later this afternoon it will reach over 700. People are going insane!

I flipped the television on and all the news outlets are going into lottery overload. It looks like a zombie takeover of sorts. All the news anchors reporting live from various gas stations and quickie marts with lines of people standing behind them. A bunch of interviews of people with theories on how to win the lottery and what are lucky numbers etc..

Then we have the assholes. There was some rich basketball player who has spent $10,000 on Mega Millions lottery tickets for this Friday’s game. Then we have the guy who tells the reporter, ” If I win, first think I am going to do is go to Vegas!” Hm, so that makes sense, once you win over $600 million dollars you are going to spend that on gambling for more money. How could you possibly need more money than that?!

I just feel like the media is making this huge deal of it, and people are going crazy and buying all these tickets because it is such a high amount and are thinking they actually will win! Idiots! All idiots! OK, just wanted to express my feelings on the matter.

Now off to buy me some winnin’ tickets!

He may be homeless, but he sure is funny!

This June marks Buntology’s fourth year in the blogging business.
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In those four years we’ve posted articles on everything from the death penalty to summer vacation, online dating to mouse feces, and much, much more. Because of our unique and wide-spanning content, we’re often amused- and sometimes scared- to see what kind of search terms people are using to find our website.
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Below is a list of the funniest, freakiest, and just plain odd, most commonly used search terms. Read it and have a laugh, we sure did!

Messed up animals 119 searches
In case we didn’t have enough proof that society was completely effed, here’s 119 more pieces of evidence. Messed up animals has been a pretty regular search term since 3/9/2009, when we posted an article about a chimpanzee named Santino being tested on his abilities to “think ahead.” Whoever the sickos are that actually click on said article in the hopes of seeing mutilated animals will likely be disappointed. To counteract the sad story of the chimp, we put pictures of cute baby animals at the end of the article. Who doesn’t love a baby panda!? View the original article here

Jon and Kate 5,000+ searches
When you work hard to try and produce intelligent and witty blog content, you can’t help but be a little bummed when your highest rated day is because of a cheap tabloid article written about a TLC reality show. When Jon & Kate Gosselin announced their divorce in May ’09, Buntology joined in the outcry and whipped up a quick 300-word piece to talk about our feelings on the issue. BOOM! Our traffic spiked to the highest it’s ever been, even higher than the Presidential inauguration. That’s almost as depressing as watching a family of eight fall apart on national television. View the original article here

Big bulges 82 searches
I was confused as to how people went from big bulges to Buntology. Upon further investigation, it’s just a well-hung mannequin that lead readers to the site. It’s a case of false advertising in more ways than one. View the original article here

Mark Zuckerberg is the devil 32 searches
Back before it was trendy, one Buntology staffer tried to deactivate their Facebook account. After being led through a confusing maze of a UI, they were given one last tug before finally pulling the trigger: “Are you SURE you want to deactivate your account? Look at all your friends who will miss you…” We already knew Zuckerberg was the devil, but apparently he’s also your religious grandma who wants to guilt trip you for not going to church. View the original article here

Stuff about hobos including but not limited to: funny hobos on the street, funny hobo signs, funny hobos, hobos with funny signs 110 searches
The people have spoken: hobos are hilarious! Somebody get on the phone with Etsy, I think we have an untapped market here for some hobo signage. Maybe a picture of a hobo holding a funny sign and on that sign is another picture of a hobo holding a funny sign, etc. etc. etc. My favorite experience with hobos and signs happened recently when I saw a man holding one that read, “Why lie? I need money for weed.” Don’t we all… don’t we all. View the original article here

Sexting 57 searches
Never one to mince words, when Anthony Weiner’s weiner was exposed via some racy texts last June, I couldn’t resist writing an article about it. Aside from my usual scathing and sarcastic remarks, the story also included some personal anecdotes about sexting along with a Mad-Lib style guide to help the more shy readers send their first sexts. To me, 57 searches about sexting is 57 people I’ve helped to get naked on their smart phone. My poor, poor father. View the original article here

Would you bang Isaac?

Honorable Mentions:
1.) Male fupa
2.) he thinks i’m a whore
3.) methamphetamine ingredients
4.) isaac brock naked

Not gonna lie, I’m a little stoked that somebody found Buntology by searching for meth ingredients. I wonder if the same person making a meth lab is the same person who wants to see pictures of Isaac Brock naked, because you’d have to be pretty f*cked up to masturbate to that self-destructive, alcoholic upper-fiend (hmm, when I put it that way it sounds kind of hot). You could actually take the four honorable mentions and string together a pretty impressive sentence with them: “I was searching for methamphetamine ingredients when I stumbled across pictures of Isaac Brock naked; He thinks I’m a whore but you should’ve seen his male fupa.”

She looks so peaceful. Shh, shh, let her sleep.

There’s an old saying that if Mom’s not happy no one is.
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I am truly not hard to please. If you ask my husband I believe he will agree. I am content to eat a salad for dinner and a day out is a trip to Victoria Secret to cash in my coupon for free underwear. Nevertheless, for the past year I have been whining daily about needing a new bed.
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The one we have was a gift from my in-laws who never scrimp on quality or price, so while it was once a great bed after 20 years it has become more a source of torture than rest. Twenty years is a long time considering three little girls crawled, jumped and snuggled there, cats and dogs stretched and groomed there and Rod and I engaged in wild, crazy love… okay, that part is a lie but you get the idea.
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Once I came home to find my eldest, then 15, with her best friend lying in our bed watching TV. They were sick and my daughter could think of no better place to recover than Mom and Dad’s bed. How could I get angry at that? It was the place of healing, family discussions, and marathon movie watching. Clearly we had screwed up somehow (weren’t living rooms for that?) but it was too late. Our bed was the hot spot and not for reasons one would hope.

After 20 years, my daily back aches and a better-than-expected tax refund moved me to declare that for me to be happy we must get a new bed.

Large purchases are always made cautiously, however, once the actual decision was made things moved very quickly.

I knew our price limit so all that was needed was the perfect bed and a payment plan that offered a year with no interest. It’s a buyer’s market so I felt confident.

Off to the store and like Goldilocks we lay down on bed #1: not bad, bed #2: too hard, bed #3: just right! In the mean time the kid (he was about 22) did his upsell thing and we allowed him his fun. I am deadly rigid about my budget. If I say I can spend a certain amount, that is what I mean and not a dime more. I don’t care how amazing the bed is if I can’t afford it I am not getting it.

After 20 years of bears pooping in their bed, Ma & Pa Bunt knew they had to find something just right.

The entire sale took less than 30 minutes. We want THIS bed, we will pay THIS much and it must include delivery and removal of our old bed. The salesman hesitated and kept hinting he could try, get it close, and do his best to accommodate.

We sat to fill in the paperwork for my interest free payment plan and he hinted that it would be slightly higher than the price I was looking for. Time for a manager and the pretend back and forth to make sure  we knew this was a great deal they were giving us. Surprise! I was able to get it for the price I asked. When did beds get so expensive? I could rent a house at the Cape for a week for what this bed cost! Wow, I really could. That is depressing.

The day the bed was delivered my husband was visiting his mother on Long Island, so that first evening I got to sleep in it all alone.

There are no words.

Imagine sleeping on a cloud. Not what a cloud really is but what a cloud looks like it is. Remember being a child and looking up at the big, puffy cotton balls in the sky and wondering what it must be like to float on one of those? That is my new bed.

I have been late to work twice already because I simply can’t leave the thing. I try. My legs won’t cooperate.

When my husband came home from his Mom’s house he was curious and doubtful. How could a bed live up to my description? He could sleep sitting up in a chair and be happy most nights.

That afternoon he unpacked and promised me a special dinner.

I came home from work and there was dinner simmering on the stove. I searched the house and called for my husband. I walked all through the downstairs. He had to be close. He left food cooking!

I found him sound asleep upstairs on “the cloud.” It was 5:30 P.M.

Yeah, he likes the bed.

The Auction House: No dry-humping allowed on this couch.

To some people living outside of the Greater New York area, the Upper East Side may seem like a cool place to be.
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Shows like Gossip Girl and Sex & the City glorify the neighborhood, presenting it as a ritzy and posh area of Manhattan. When friends from college ask me what part of New York I’m living in and I say the Upper East Side they oooh and aaah, wondering what kind of fancy job I’ve landed that has enabled me to live in such a luxurious neighborhood.
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This may be true for some. In fact, as I write this I’m sitting in my friend’s beautiful apartment in the east 70s due to a mouse infestation at my place (which we’ll get into another time).
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But I’d venture to guess most 20-somethings within my financial bracket know the truth about this neighborhood once jokingly referred to as “the retirement community”: it’s filled with douchebags.

But fear not, devout Buntology enthusiasts. For I, along with my two esteemed colleagues Tilly and Mike, took on the arduous task of hitting up all the local bars* on the UES so that you wouldn’t have to. *Well, at least those within a three block radius of our apartment.

Read on to weed out the fun versus the fratty in a land of old people, babies and Mt. Sinai interns.

Ange, Tilly & Mike: Drinking for a cause

#5. THE GAF (89th & 1st)
Bartender cuteness [1-5]: ♥ There were two of them, they were old, and they weren’t giving us nearly enough attention.
Cost of drinks: 1 Blue Moon, 1 Sierra Nevada, 1 Sam Seasonal = $18.00
Entertainment: Big Buck Hunter, golfing arcade game, Dart boards, and Metallica playing on the jukebox.

It’s hard to say whether The Gaf is douchey or not. The bar was really dark and the music was really loud, which sounds fun in theory but not when it’s Metallica. And sure, it was nearly empty save for the somewhat rowdy group of dudes who all did Irish Car Bombs together + one woman who finished 2nd in the car bomb challenge. But there was little pretension in the spacious bar, and lots of Big Buck Hunter, so we happily drank our beer.

Tilly B.: Photog, critic, roomie.

Tilly: All the guys look the same: short and fat. Back home we’d call them a bogan or a westie. Black wife-beaters, rips down the sides, skinny but their nipples are always hanging out. They all listen to Metallica… but I like that.

Ange: I wish there was a hook for my bag.

While the Sunday night crowd was relatively small, the layout of the bar certainly lent itself to a much larger group of people. Counter-tops and stools lined the wall and offered tons of seating. The Gaf is definitely not a sports bar, as there was only one or two TVs, and the decor was very Irish pubby. God there are a lot of pubs on the Upper East Side.

#4. KINSALE (3rd ave between 93rd & 94th)
Bartender cuteness: ♥♥♥ He’s super nice, wears cute black-rimmed glasses, and the Irish accent ain’t so bad, either.
Price of drinks: 1 Guinness and 2 (strong) Red Bull & vodkas = $20.75
Entertainment: The music on the jukebox was playing standard 70s, 80s and 90s karaoke tunes.

Mike J.: Renaissance Man, friend.

The ambiance of Kinsale is warm, laid-back and inviting. For an old Irish pub the interior is well taken care of and includes a small dining area in the back, set away from the bar. I guess you could say it’s your dad’s bar [Editor's note: As I'm writing these notes Steely Dan came on the jukebox. Definitely a dad's bar. At least my dad.] The crowd was a mixture of old alcoholic-looking men and 20-somethings, plus a young couple having a full-on makeout session at the high-top table next to us.

Mike: This bar is kind of a sausage-fest and what I’m looking for is a clam bake. It’s got TVs playing sports which is a big minus for me.

Ange: *To the tune of Where Have all the Cowboys Gone?* Where have all the bar snacks gone?

#3. THE AUCTION HOUSE (89th between 1st & 2nd)
Bartender cuteness: ♥♥ 1/2 . Would’ve been hotter if he didn’t say “thank you” when I complimented the bar. What did you build it?
Price of drinks: 1 Jameson, 2 vodkas with lemon & lime = $22
Entertainment: Great tunes. Anytime I can sit on a velvet couch sipping vodka and listening to The White Stripes is fine by me.

I never knew The Auction House existed until I stepped inside of it. Besides the American flag that hangs in the window of the old bar, there’s nothing very distinguishing about it from a pedestrian point of view. But once you walk into the speak-easy style lounge, you’re instantly transported from the doldrums of Yorkville to a place far more exotic… like the Lower East Side.

Angela B.: Person writing this article.

Angela: Really excited about the idea of a speak-easy on the UES. Is it a speak-easy? It has curtains hiding its identity from the outside world so I’d say that counts.

Tilly: I love a good tin roof.

The walls are decorated with Victorian artwork and the high ceilings are made out of tin. The avant-garde, bourgeois style of the bar might come across as tacky in the daylight, but at night feels very sultry. And I’m not just saying that because the two girls sitting across from us were seconds away from making out the entire time we were there. The Auction House is the kind of place you’d take a date if you knew you were finally going to get lucky that night.

#2. MANNY’S ON SECOND (92nd & 2nd)
Bartender cuteness: ♥♥♥♥ Super cute, super drunk. This worked to our advantage (see “price of drinks”).
Price of drinks: Free
Entertainment: Dart boards, TVs, a photo-booth, Pacman and pool upstairs. And a jukebox with thousands of songs to choose from.

Manny’s On 2nd has got to be one of the liveliest, most friendly bars on the Upper East Side. It was 2:30 A.M. when Tilly and I got there, and the vibe (and appearance) of the bar was reminiscent of friends’ house parties during my senior year of college. The atmosphere was super comfortable and fun, which might explain why there were so many off-duty employees there drinking and having a good time. The high energy of Manny’s pulled us out of our Auction House coma, and before we knew it we were taking pickleback shots with the bartenders. That’s right, folks: there are picklebacks at this bar.

Tilly: The hotness of the guys here is really adding to my enjoyment.

#1. BIDDY’S (91st between 2nd & 1st)
Bartender cuteness: ♥♥♥♥♥ Everybody loves Corey.
Price of drinks: 2 Blue Moons = $12, but if you make nice with the bartenders you can usually get a freebie or two.
Entertainment: Dart board and one of those fun bar computer games where you get to play I-Spy with pictures of naked girls. The iTunes playlist is usually pretty legit, too.

If Manny’s is like senior year of college, then Biddy’s is like going home for winter break. It’s warm, cozy, has peanuts in the corner, and there’s always a few old Irish men hitting on you. OK, so maybe that last part isn’t entirely true, but the people there sure are friendly. Perhaps this is because the bar is literally just a big square room filled with high-top tables, and if you’re a regular like me, one that’s usually filled with familiar faces. Or maybe it’s because the bartenders there are always so damn personable, you can’t help but feel at home.

Angela: Yes! There’s a hook for my bag! Hey, do you have 25 cents for peanuts?

Some of the most fun nights I’ve had during my tenure uptown have ended in me and my roomie hanging out here after hours, drinking a complimentary night cap and recapping the evening. Biddy’s is arguably my favorite bar in New York City, and certainly the least douchey one you’ll find on the Upper East Side.